A Rose by Any Other Name Would be Whatever is in its Nature

For those of you who know me by another name, let me explain. My other name is a persona that is part of consensus reality. It's the person who has said o.k., the person who has gone along in order to get along.

I've done a lot of good things with that name. And you have my permission to keep using it.

But it's not a name under which I can write. It's not a name under which I can call 'em like I see 'em, under which I can set my soul free by raving on, under which I can confess my vanity, my pride, my smugness, my selfishness, my many years of willful unconsciouness. It is not the person who is aware of the cumulative debt of my sins, and that it is paid almost entirely by my children.

So, I don't want to take a chance that she's someone who will go forward in habitual self-pity, failing to form and act on the intent necessary to avoid further karmic debt.

That name is a genteel construct of my great-grandmothers, my father's family and my ex-husband's. And it is in their world that my body mostly lives.

But my soul, which lives in a more comprehensive section of time and space, needs a freer name.

There's nothing like the crash boom bang of divorce to start one down the path of deconstructing reality.

We are, most of us, largely built of the expectations of our families and fellows. Like the horn player in the marching band, we look left, look right, make sure we are in line and in step to form the formation as it has been pre-ordained. On the one hand, that is the necessary stuff of civilization.

On the other hand, it is not the stuff of the universe as a whole. It is not the stuff that accepts and explores and maximizes the potential inherent in our souls, inherent in creation.

It is not the stuff that allows us to freely examine options for our own lives. "Thinking outside the box" doesn't begin to touch the effort required for true individuality. And by true individuality, I don't mean denial of the forces which civilize us.

If we examine the truth of our own souls and act on their individual dictates, I believe we will all arrive independently at some of the same ideas.

The golden rule for example. If we each started with a blank slate and made our most strenuous effort in the pursuit of consciousness, we would all eventually conclude that our souls are best served by acting kindly to others.

Why? Because it feels right. If we all lived according to a single precept of doing only what feels right to our souls, the world would be an utterly magnificent place. Utterly simple. Not easy, but utterly simple.

I distinguish here between what feels right and what feels good. Since I've gotten divorced, I could relinquish my spousal support and child support easily if every person who told me that I deserve to be happy gave me a buck.

What I actually deserve is to feel right in my soul. And that's a whole different deal.

The only way to feel right in our souls is to know them, to set aside all outside definitions of our selves, to let our outsides fall away and experience the pure light that is inside. And then, in every breath, we have to act within that light.

Simple. Utterly simple.

I have been heavy and I have been thin. I have had money and I have had less. I have practiced religion and not. I have been an athlete and not. I have been a musician and not. I have been employed and not. I have lived here and not. I have been a writer and not.

And not one of those things has defined my soul. They have constrained my perception of my soul, my perceived freedom to act on its dictates, or not. I have acted in the truth of my soul or not. But, I have never once done something wrong and not had that little voice, the voice I now call Raven, call me on it.

"Get your ass back into the light." she says.

I've just finally decided to stop telling her to shut up, finally decided to let her rave on, finally accepted that she will find the right way.

All I have to do is keep the smug, intellectual, self-serving, unconscious bitch that is called something else out of her way.

Raven